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The Brown Noser

Mail Services Announces Purchase of Brand New 60” 8K OLED Smart TV with webOS for Displaying Song Queue

Published Friday, December 8th, 2023

Sources report that Mail Services has purchased a brand new 60” LG 8K OLED smart TV with built-in AI-powered webOS for displaying queued-up music in the mail room.

“We felt that informing students of what songs are up next will definitely ensure the smooth operation of the mail room,” said a representative of Mail Services before screaming out a student’s name. Upon being asked why neither of the existing TVs could be used for this purpose, she explained, “We are fully committed to providing the best experience possible. We don’t want to compromise on the students’ enjoyment of these sick beats.”

“The OLED panel makes use of dynamic tone mapping to help its 8 million pixels really bring the content to life,” continued the representative as she queued up a Today’s Pop Hits playlist. “All three TVs will work in unison to create a truly immersive experience. And people expect nothing less from the mail room.”

At press time, ResLife announced the purchase of a state-of-the-art DXJ 12-cylinder EVO AWD off-road golf cart for distributing toilet paper.

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