Feeling used as the alfalfa in his cupped hand was furiously devoured, petting zoo attendee Zach Mitchell became worried that Oreo, a pygmy goat, only liked him for his pellets. “I just can’t shake this feeling that Oreo doesn’t like me for me, you know?” lamented Mitchell as Oreo began nibbling on the t-shirt of another man in the wood-chipped pen. “I’m more than my pellets; I’m a man. I have feelings too. I have wants and I have needs and I have dreams. If Oreo can’t see that, then maybe it’s time for me to leave this petting zoo.” At press time, Mitchell started to feel nervous that the hungry ducks in the park would leave him when he ran out of bread crumbs.

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