Sources from Brown University confirmed that Gilbert Vaughn ‘27 was spotted gnawing on a bendy straw like he was a famished goat munching cud. “I mean, look at him go,” said onlooker Shiela Jean-Smith ‘26 while Vaughn nibbled on the tip of his Hi-C juicebox’s bendy straw, methodically reducing it into a tattered mess of plastic that would look right at home among the partly digested vittles of a ruminant. “He is really giving that bendy straw the business.” At press time, Vaughn was spotting suckling a pool ball like a jawbreaker.

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