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The Brown Noser

Member Of Improv Group Has Clearly Never Smoked Cigarette

Published Friday, September 16th, 2022

After playing a jaded old man in a scene, it became clear that improviser Ruby Allan has never smoked a cigarette.

“She sort of held two fingers up to her mouth vertically,” audience member Josie Lynde said of Allan’s performance. “Then she started breathing really heavily so we would know that she was, like, inhaling smoke, I guess. Once she started flailing her hand around, I knew she’d never actually smoked a cigarette.”

Later in the scene, Allan reportedly rested the “cigarette” on her cheek in between dramatic puffs, and then rested it on her leg.

“If it were real, it would’ve burned a hole in her jeans,” Lynde said as Allan pretended to choke on smoke. “It was so obvious she’d never even held a cigarette before. At one point, it looked like she was maybe trying to eat it? I really have no idea.”

At press time, nobody could tell what accent Allan was attempting to speak with.

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