Telling clients that it’s okay to end relationships with people who aren’t good for them, life coach and middle schooler Jordan Pandey recommends cutting out the toxic weird kids from your birthday party. “Every day is an opportunity to grow, but sometimes to become the fullest, most popular version of yourself, you have to cut out all of the nerds from your bowling birthday party’s invite list,” said the 6th-grade life coach also famous for telling his clients that tomorrow waits for no one, so if you want to make fun of a girl for wearing the same pants two days in a row, take the initiative to do it today. “There are some people in life who want to see you fail at your goals. Just because these toxic weirdos may have been your closest friends since kindergarten and have always been nice to you doesn’t mean you owe them an invite to your birthday party. You should only invite the popular kids so that you can become friends with them and be popular yourself. Why? Because, you deserve it!” At press time, a middle school dermatologist recommends popping your pimples really hard until you bleed.

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