Friday, November 24, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Model UN Session Upended After Mauritius Declares War on Six Different Countries

Published Friday, November 3rd, 2017

Reports emerging from the Boston University Model UN simulation state that Hartford high school student Tommy York has declared war against six different countries, throwing the session into chaos.

“We are still gathering all the facts,” said BU student Cate Terry, who headed the event, "but it looks like the delegate representing Mauritius has evaded procedure and declared a state of war against Algeria, Vietnam, Cyprus, Brazil, Germany, and El Salvador,”

“It sent everything into disarray. I mean there’s no logic here if Mauritius can come in here and upend the hierarchy of things like this,” reported Riley Hammond, the delegate for Cyprus. "He just stopped the entire debate about nuclear proliferation in southern Asia and yelled that his troops were launching an assault on Nicosia. Maybe it’s because I wouldn’t give him my number at the delegate dance last night?”

“We’ve completely lost decorum,” said the American delegate. “I was about to unveil this huge plan for third-party intervention to stop nuclear war, and this idiot starts telling us he declared war? How does that even happen? I’ve worked hard to represent a permanent member of the Security Council. If some kid just comes in here as Mauritius and can control the course of the day, then nothing matters. I think it’s time the Security Council discusses plans for a formal censure."

At press time, the Mauritian delegate withdrew his declarations of war due to the “heroic” diplomatic intervention by his chaperone Ms. Hawkins.

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