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There’s no one right way to do a marriage. Society may tell us that monogamy is the only option, but it’s important for partners to be honest with themselves and explore all options. I know that my marriage would have fallen apart if my husband and I hadn’t decided to redefine the boundaries of our relationship. In fact, I’d go so far as to say my open relationship saved my years-long affair with my son’s soccer coach.
My husband and I love each other, but we weren’t always in such a good place. A few years ago, Mark was spending a lot of time at work and I was spending a lot of time with our son’s hot pee-wee soccer coach, Bashir. We just weren’t making time for each other. Mark would often ask: where do you go at night? And because I had been brainwashed into thinking that monogamy was the only way, I’d lie and say, “I go to a nightly poetry class for adults.” But really, of course, I was going to Bashir’s apartment and doing adult things with food.
It came to a point where my marriage had gotten so bad I’d wonder: “How can I keep secretly having raucous sex with Bashir, my son’s soccer coach and my passionate lover?” I don’t say this lightly, but there came a time when I thought I might have to end my affair.
After relationship counseling, Bashir and I decided the best thing to do would be for me to convince Mark to try out an open marriage. That way, Bashir and I could pretend like we just started seeing each other after the fact. At first I thought it sounded crazy, but then I thought about Bashir’s rock hard abs. Meow!
Since then, it’s been wonderful, but I’d be lying if said there aren’t any stresses that come with an open relationship. For example, one time Mark asked me why some sensual letters Bashir sent me were dated before we went open. It wasn’t easy to gaslight him into thinking that I wrote those letters about a fictional Bashir while in my poetry class for adults, but it was worth it. It was worth it because it came from a place of love, and after all, love is what makes a marriage real.
