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The National Football League announced yesterday that, starting next season, all regulation footballs would be replaced by the actual hopes and dreams of the football players.
The players, whose hopes and dreams have been only symbolically at play until now, have had mixed responses to the change.
“When I’m playing a game sometimes I forget that my baby’s future rides on this,” said Minnesota Vikings center Cullen Loeffler. Loeffler’s first child was recently born. “It’s hard to forget about what the game’s really all about when you’re cradling your own baby, sprinting towards the end zone. You’re going to give all you’ve got and make sure your throw is on point, because if you don’t your child will get crushed by a bunch of huge men,” said Loeffler. “I think it’s great motivation.”
Not all the players have echoed Loeffler’s enthusiasm. “Football is important to me,” said San Francisco 49ers defensive tackle Justin Smith. “But they’re talking about replacing the ball with the down payment on a house that my wife and I want to buy. First of all, it really changes the mechanics of the game if the ball is made of a stack of paper. And also, I would just be heartbroken if we didn’t get that house.” Smith, who has spent the majority of his life working toward a career as a professional football player commented, “It’s just a game.”
Most NFL coaches have been supportive of the change. San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh said his team “could’ve won if they’d had that constant reminder of how important the Superbowl is."
“I always told them, hey, we’re in the Superbowl and it’s a really big deal, but I think throwing around that huge trophy would’ve really helped. You can’t ignore how big that trophy is.”
The teams will begin practicing with their hopes and dreams instead of footballs as soon as league authorities figure out how players will throw and catch inner peace and happiness.
