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The Brown Noser

Name Of Imitation Meat Product Just Quotation Marks, Apostrophes

Published Friday, December 3rd, 2021

According to the developers of a new meat substitute, the name of their imitation chicken product is just quotation marks and apostrophes. “We avoided anything that might communicate that our product contains actual meat,” said developer Mark Snood, citing popular imitation meats such as “b’ef,” “bake’n,” and “s’s’age” as inspiration for their newly-dubbed soy nuggets. “So we decided to call our fake chicken “‘’’”’." Now, there’s no confusion at all! Since it’s just apostrophes and quotation marks, it immediately reads as ‘fake meat,’ plus there’s no threat of a lawsuit!” At press time, the developers were debating whether to call their new oat beverage “Mylc,” “Myyllk,” or “Mulk.”

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