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The Brown Noser

Nation’s Dogs Report Exponential Growth of Daytime Tummy Rubs

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

In a recent study, the nation’s dogs announced that they have been experiencing exponential growth in daytime tummy rubs.

“We first noticed a shift emerging in early March,” barked Buster, a chocolate labradoodle. “Some dogs on the west coast started to notice an extra tummy rub in the afternoon when their owners got home from work.”

Initially, the dogs only predicted a small growth of tummy rubs in some regions of the country.

“But soon enough every dog in the nation was getting an extra two or even three tummy rubs per day,” Buster woofed, nuzzling up against his owner’s leg. “Now we’re experiencing tummy rubs at almost every single hour of the day. We’ve seen a particularly large growth in the hours when our owners would’ve previously been out of the house.”

“Our models forecast that these tummy rubs will be sustained into the near future,” Buster yipped, wagging his tail in delight. “There are no signs of slowing.”

The nation’s dogs also reported an increase in daily walks, but they were hesitant to conclude that the two trends are correlated.

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