In a public statement released last Wednesday, the nation’s TV love interests have announced plans to begin texting their feelings, hesitate, and then delete them entirely. “After getting an ‘R U ok?’ text from Devon, we’ve been up all night seriously weighing our options,” said the nation’s TV love interests, moments before mustering up the courage to communicate their exact thoughts in a healthy way but then delete them and go with something more coy. “We feel as though ‘Fine’ or ‘Nothing’ should suffice from here on out, with maybe a solid ‘Ok’ every now and again. Either way, we’ll do whatever it takes to get to the brink of saying what we mean, nervously bite our nails, sigh, and then just retreat altogether.” At press time, the nation’s TV couples announce plans to lean into a kiss, pull away, then lean in again.

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