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The nation’s teenagers surprised many late Tuesday night when they announced a tentative plan to “keep it down in there.”
The decision to “keep it down” comes as a response to a recent appeal issued by the nation’s parents of teenagers. “It’s one in the morning for Christ’s sake,” began the initial appeal submitted by parents standing outside their teenager’s door looking half asleep. “I have to wake up in four hours. Would you please keep it down in there?”
Though they found the appeal to be on the whole “super retarded” and yet another confirmation of the fact that their parents wanted to “ruin [their] lives,” the nation’s teenagers decided to avoid an impasse after parents issued the subsequent ultimatum: “Don’t make me come in there.”
Teenagers responded to the last appeal with the brief conciliatory reply, “Okay, jeez,” after which a preliminary plan for “keeping it down” was yelled to parents over loud music: “Just let me listen to this last song.”
Despite teenagers’ hopes that the plan would be well-received, parents found it to be “bullshit” and reiterated that teenagers should “turn down that fucking music or I’m coming in there and taking your bong.”
Not willing to risk a potentially damaging search and seizure, teenagers quickly submitted a revised plan in which they promised that they would “just put headphones on” and suggested that parents “go to bed and stop being a music Nazi.”
However, while teenagers have enacted plans to “keep it down in there,” as of press time, little progress seems to have been made on operation “flush the fucking toilet for once in your life.”
