Strapping on their helmets and zipping up their tight-fitting multicolored nylon shirts, the nation’s wiry dads are gearing up to go on yet another bike trip. “My bike buddies and I are so excited to bike up the coast of Northern California, it’s great exercise and a whole lot of fun,” said sinewy father Owen March, the contours of his frog-like leg muscles peering through his padded bike shorts as he and the rest of the country’s skinny dads squeezed their water bottle for a faraway sip. “We loved our bike trip in Banff last year, and we’re hoping to do a bike trip on the Croatian coast before we get too old. Regardless, nothing beats just biking to work in the morning, and setting up shop in the elliptical in the basement at night.” At press time, the nation’s tastefully toned moms have announced plans to go on a yoga retreat.

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