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The Brown Noser

Neurotic Arsonist Can’t Shake Feeling She Left Oven Off

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Driving away from a two-story house that she had been planning to burn down for months, local arsonist Jane Pemberthy couldn’t shake the persistent feeling that she left the kitchen oven off. “I’m pretty sure it’s on, I know I turned it on…but what if…no, that’s silly,” Pemberthy mumbled, reminding herself that she has never once forgotten to turn the oven on before leaving a house she’s trying to burn down. “But that’s just it! I don’t remember turning it on this time! Maybe this is the day I forget to turn the oven on. It’s gonna stay off and then the house is gonna be fine. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.” At press time, Pemberthy had decided to make a quick U-turn just to be safe.

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