Sunday, April 14, 2024
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The Brown Noser

No, Kelly, We Really Won’t Be Mad If You Leave The Housing Group And Accept Your Wellness Single

Published Friday, April 14th, 2023

Hey Kelly! Congrats on getting that Wellness single. ResLife would literally be so dumb if they didn’t accept you. You, like, always do your yoga things in the morning and you’re the spitting image of health. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that Gale, Sam and I fully support whatever decision you make with housing. It’s okay if we have to go into the housing lottery alone, really. It’s not like having a three person group is the worst idea ever. I’m sure there’s a suite out there for us; and worst comes to worst we’ll all be in a triple! It’s like a giant sleepover but every single day of the year! You literally can’t miss out on an opportunity to live in Wellness, with its super clean lounges and floor-to-ceiling windows. There’s so much charm to the older dorms and to be honest they’re much closer to our classes. We wouldn’t want to live in such a pristine, luxurious place with washing machines that actually work anyways. Apparently some of the other dorms don’t even have hot water, but actually, showering in the cold is better for your body. Of course, you probably already know that Ms. Wellness, don’t you? But, hey, you shouldn’t have to worry about us since all Wellness singles are probably great! Maybe you could even start hanging out with Jessica? I heard she’s also going to be living there next year. So, really, accept that room. We’ll be fine. Have a good life, or, I guess, a well one.

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