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The Brown Noser


Published Saturday, February 18th, 2023

OH MAN IT’S STARTING TO SEEM LIKE I MIGHT BE ALLERGIC TO BEES! This blows chunks! What am I supposed to do? I got stung a little while ago and now my arm’s all RED and SWOLLEN! OH MAN!

I guess I’m in a real pickle. Anyone got an ice pack? If only I’d known I was allergic to bees, I would’ve definitely tried harder not to get stung. Oh man, it’s starting to sting EVEN MORE! UP YOURS, BEES! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?

Oh man. Deep breaths, hombre. It’s all gonna be fine. Just because you’re allergic to bees doesn’t mean you’re not gonna have that white-picket-fence future SHIT IT’S STARTING TO PUSS. Breathe in, count to ten. Breathe out count to FUCK THAT LITTLE SUCKER AND ALSO MY BODILY RESPONSE TO ITS VENOM!

Things will be ok! Just gotta think positive and not focus on the gradual swelling in my throat, but also WHO HAS AN EPI PEN ON THEM? SOME BENADRYL? I’LL TAKE EITHER!

Holy cow. I gotta screw my head back onto my neck. What I really gotta do is get to urgent care. This is NOT how I thought my birthday would go! Discovering a BRAND NEW ALLERGY. To BEES. Oh man.

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