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Sad reports showed an off-campus senior scrounging for free meal swipes like a crab sweeping the barren seafloor for carcasses.
“Sometimes I get really lucky and my
friend on meal plan happens to be in line,so I’ll sneak in with them,” explained senior David Kim, lurking at the Ratty exit like he’s an undersea vulture waiting for a seafloor victim to drop dead on the spot. “But that only happens once in a while.”
“A few times I overheard a freshman telling their friend that they had five leftover meal swipes and it was a Saturday,” continued Kim, eyes darting around like a starving crustacean on the prowl for the scrumptious remains of a leftover fish meal. “Talk about a feast! I jumped on
that opportunity faster than you could say ‘meal plan.’”
“One time, I saw that someone had lost their card, and it was just left on top of a Jo’s table. I literally just pretended it was mine and swiped for two burgers,” confessed Kim, sneaking Ivy Room drinks into his backpack like a starving Dungeness crab seizing the skeleton of an unfortunate piece of prey. “I guess some people could say it was a rude thing to do, but I’m really not in the mood to go to Trader Joe’s right now.”
At press time, Kim was seen taking home a whole tray of Kabob and Curry advertised on the Free Food group chat.
