Partly Cloudy, 64°
POINT: In like a lion, out like a lamb.
Ahh, won’t you just stand still for a minute and take a long, deep breath in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Isn’t this spring air invigorating?
Think about the beginning of the month—freezing rain, cloudy days, no sun whatsoever. I couldn’t take one step without worrying about freezing my tailbone off! The harsh wind was a lion’s roar and I was but a mere mouse, fallen prey to the whims of the sky and all of its forces!
But we held fast to the promise that spring will come soon, and what ho, look at the sunny days that we experience now! Feel this warm, balmy, air, smooth as a lamb’s coat on your cheek! Can the tinkling of this breeze not be compared to a lamb’s bleat?
Perhaps I’ll bask in the sun today! And walk to a coffee shop in the afternoon! The possibilities are endless—all I wish to do is to bathe in this weather that is as calming and soothing as the imagery of a lamb in a field of flowers!
COUNTERPOINT: I’ll have you know my mother was killed by a lamb.
My mother was killed by a lamb in the spring of ‘98 and you have the gall to prattle on and on about how sweet they are?
Well I’ll tell you what, mister. Despite their sweet, unassuming, exterior, lambs are dangerous, horrific, monsters, and if you’re not realising that, then you’re doing yourself a serious disservice. If only my mother had known of their true nature…
Their coat? A disguise. Their eyes? Full of lies. You should have seen my mother on the day of the funeral. I will never forget how terrible she looked. The morticians couldn’t fix her up! I’ll never forgive whoever ordered an open casket, they were out of their minds.
Don’t be fooled by the lamb! My mother was fooled. But that’s how they lure in their prey. The lamb preyed on my mother! Everyone thinks they’re all cute and innocent and then BAM! That’s how they getcha. My mother made the exact mistake that you did, said the same exact things you did—oh hoo hoo, spring air as angelic as a lamb—and then look what happened to her! Look what’s happened to me! I am a wreck. You better start watching what you say or else you’re going to be caught in the same exact situation. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I will say I told you so.
