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The Brown Noser

Pandemic Hasn’t Been All That Bad, Reports Classmate With Hamptons Mansion

Published Friday, March 12th, 2021

Attempting to get her peers to look on the bright side of things, senior Allie Huggins — who has spent the past year in her mansion in the Hamptons — reported that the pandemic really hasn’t been all that bad.

“I know it sucks… but I’ve also seen it as a really great opportunity to unwind!” Huggins, whose exorbitantly wealthy family owns a sprawling beach estate in the Hamptons, said to her close friends over Zoom. “I think there’s been a silver lining to this whole thing after all!”

Huggins — whose mansion’s grounds include tennis courts, a pool, and private beach access — informed her friends that, if they open themselves up to optimism, they too might realize the pandemic has been a wonderful excuse to relax.

“I’ve picked up so many wonderful hobbies,” she continued, showcasing a new crochet project while her 20-foot ceilings and crystal chandeliers were visible in the background. “You know what? I think I’ll even look back on this year of sheltering in place fondly.”

“Anyway, it all depends on how you choose to perceive roadblocks in life!” Huggins concluded after telling her friends she had to head out to ride horses around her estate before it got too dark outside. “Gotta go!”

At press time, Huggins muted herself in class so she could discreetly ask her private chef for a plate of bruschetta.

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