Partly Cloudy, 64°
Reports indicate that your plantain-like friend just can’t resist intervening whenever he sees someone peeling their banana from the stem, which is obviously the wrong way to go about it.
“Ahh no no no, not right!” exclaimed the oblong-faced, asymmetrical, stalk-like friend who, much like a plantain, tricked you into thinking they’d be sweet but turned out to be weird and, clearly, kind of gross. He pointed his crooked finger to the brown, mushy bottom part that no one would ever want to touch and desperately yelled, “Please, eat banana here!”
“I don’t even care that much about how to eat a banana. It’s all the same, but he just has to emerge from the shadows and correct me anytime the subject even comes up,” sighed Aidan McClain ’27, who just wanted to eat a banana in peace. “It’s a banana, for fuck’s sake—any normal person would peel it from the stem; it just makes sense.”
At press time, the plantain-like friend wouldn’t stop going on about how bananas are technically berries, as if anyone asked.
