Describing them as the perfect way to look at your face without your dreadful, stern features causing the glass to immediately break into thousands of shards, Pottery Barn has released a new line of shatter-proof hand mirrors designed especially for hideous stepmothers. “Each ornate hand mirror is reinforced with bulletproof glass so that it’ll hold up even when reflecting the most repugnant of all stepmothers, whose scowling jowls represent her inner wickedness and cruelty,” said Pottery Barn CEO Alastair Bolton, adding that the mirror will also work for mean dowager aunts, strict nannies, and even vain adoptive mothers whose kids were her husband’s idea. “Just because you resent your bratty step-children because they have the youth and beauty that you lack and so you lock them in the cellar when they misbehave, doesn’t mean you don’t want to check up on your makeup every once in a while.” Bolton went on to say that each purchase of a hand mirror will come with a free ermine stole with the head and paws still attached.

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