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The Brown Noser

Preschool’s Acorn Motif A Bit Of A Stretch

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Phil Village, principal of the Acorn Academy Preschool, has sure been going full steam ahead on his school’s acorn theme, note local parents.

“The place has little drawings of acorns on the walls, which is pretty cute,” said Cynthia Roberts, dropping off her daughter Lydia in front of the school. “And, sure, it fits with the name. But starting every day by saying ‘gather round, little acorns’ has gotta be confusing for the kids.”

“They’re not little acorns,” Roberts added. “They’re just little people.”

Village, however, disagrees. “Once our students step foot into The Forest, which is what we call our classroom, they became a part of our Forest Community. And then that makes our teachers squirrels, I guess. Yeah, they’re squirrels who gather up all the acorns and store them until the summer, when it’s vacation. Except actual squirrels save them for winter.”

“You get the point,” he finished.

Village was also proud of the mural of the photosynthesis cycle painted on the outside of the building. “Plants store sunlight for use as complex sugars, and our students will store the knowledge they learn here for use as complex thinkers. Yeah, that’s good. Give them water and sunlight and allow them to experience the natural cycle of the seasons—that’s your recipe for a well-adjusted adult.”

“And I’m an oak tree,” Village continued, gazing out over the classroom, where children were playing happily. “I’m the biggest oak tree of all.”

At press time, Village was sprinkling water on his students’ heads.

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