Partly Cloudy, 64°
Today in class, Professor Septopodra announced that only seniors who were born on a blue blood wolf moon and are left-handed will receive an override code.
“I’m aware that there is enormous demand for this course, so in the interest of fairness I’ve resorted to objective methods to determine who will ultimately be able to enroll in Contemporary Ethics of Systemic Semantic Analysis of Contemporary Systems of Ethics,” declared the Professor, while casually jotting the names of prospective students onto a Oujia board. “It is imperative to arrive at these tough decisions through clear and fair processes, which is why right handed individuals will be excluded from the pool.”
“If anyone would like to discuss course policies further, I am happy to have that conversation with you. My office hours are between 11:00 and 11:15 on odd numbered Mondays for freshmen and juniors, and between 5:00 and 9:30 on days with poor weather for sophomores and seniors,” elaborated the Professor, consulting an astrology chart with students’ birthdays plotted out. “I wish all of you could take this course, I really do, from the bottom of my heart, I really do. But I will be dropping around two thirds of you, especially those not born on a blue blood wolf moon."
At press time, all the shoppers had enrolled in different courses anyway.
