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Professor of Anthropology David Harding began Tuesday’s lecture for ANTH 0202: “Introduction to Methods in Anthropology” with a brief explanation of “social Darwinism,” paying seemingly no heed to the luminescent radioactive sewage coating his entire body.
“During the late 19th century these ideas of racial and social superiority became quite popular,” said Harding, completely ignoring the globules of glowing fluid that were dripping off of his body and onto the floor where they melted through the Earth, forming a bottomless crevasse.
Continued Harding, “Next slide.”
When several students raised their hands hoping to inform Harding that his life might be in danger, he waved them away.
“No time for questions,” said Harding, his skin color oscillating between green and orange hues as a viscous clone of himself split off from his body and walked away. “We have a lot of material to get through today.”
At the close of his lecture, which covered many topics in anthropology and no topics in the devastating nuclear disaster that appeared to be taking place on his person, Harding encouraged students to come to office hours.
“Office hours are a great time to get to know your professors and engage in a more free-flowing discussion of the material,” said all of the seven identical heads that had formed on Harding’s body only to explode and grow back in a cycle of exponential regeneration.
“I can assure you, I do not bite.”
