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Brown professor Gary Hendrikerson must find and kiss the Dean before the clock strikes midnight or risk losing the chance at tenure forever.
“I’ve published on average a paper every two months, and given talks at eleven different conferences,” said Hendrikerson, worried that it will go to waste if he can’t break the evil witch’s spell through the power of true love’s kiss. “You would think the hard part about getting tenure would be the teaching or research, or even retrieving a worthy gift from the dragon’s lair, but it turns out it’s making out with my boss."
“I guess I should count myself lucky. Assistant Professors at other schools have to beg for grant money or publish five books, and it turns out all I have to do is kiss a higher education administrator,” continued Hendrikerson, unrolling an ancient scroll containing a clue to the whereabouts of the Dean. “I just hope this works out so I can spend more time researching the stuff that really interests me and tracking down the dwarf that keeps stealing instruments from my lab.”
At press time, a Ph.D. student defended his dissertation from the forces of evil armed with a sword and shield.
