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In the minutes before the first session of GEOL 1610: “Solid Earth Geophysics” on Monday, Professor of Geology Don Forsyth took a final read-through of a ten-page list of geology-related jokes that he intends to scatter throughout lectures this semester.
Forsyth, wearing what he considers to be his funniest shirt, spoke each joke aloud while nervously pacing back and forth in the MacMillan Hall bathroom. He occasionally took out a ballpoint pen to transcribe potential jokes for today’s lecture onto the back of his hand.
“Jeez, feels like I’m lecturing to a bunch of rocks,” said Forsyth into the mirror several times, trying various intonation patterns. “But I’m sure as soon as the clock hits 11:50 you all will be out of here faster than a P-wave through a solid medium.”
“Am I right?” Forsyth added, pausing afterward to allow time for the subsequent laughter and cheers he anticipated would follow.
“Jeez, feels like I’m lecturing to a bunch of rocks,” repeated Forsyth, stressing the word ‘bunch’ this time. “No, no, no, that’s all wrong. Get a hold of yourself, Don.”
The eclectic joke list that Forsyth reviewed ranged from lighthearted puns about carbon dating to more abstract and sometimes vulgar riffs that seemed only tangentially related to the field of geology.
“The following is an important geology mnemonic,” said Forsyth before screaming for three seconds, reeling off a string of words that alternated between expletives and the names of mineral classification categories, then chuckling to himself and muttering, “That one is going to slay.”
Forsyth mentioned the importance of being ready to slip any one of the jokes in at any given moment in order to give the impression that he was thinking of them completely off-the-cuff.
He said that later in the semester he plans to bring out a couple of more sophisticated jokes that play with existing stereotypes about paleoseismologists as opposed to helioseismologists.
“But of course I’ll be sure to mix in a few deep penetration jokes to balance out the highbrow stuff,” said Forsyth. “Got to give the people what they want.”
As he adjusted his glasses in the mirror one last time before heading to the classroom, Forsyth expressed his bitter envy for professors in the Department of Modern Culture and Media, who he said “seem to have some comedic knack that causes every word out of their mouths to be hilarious. Bastards. I don’t know how they do it.”
