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Sources at Brown University confirmed that notoriously hardcore History professor, Larry Merkin, refers to his pants as trousers.
“He’s operating in a whole different plane of authority,” said freshman Damien Bronson, quaking in his boots after Merkin announced students would submit next week’s ‘deliverables’ over ‘electronic mail,’ or via fax machine. “When someone speaks with that kind of sophistication, you can’t help but pay attention!”
“This is a guy that knows how to cross his t’s and dot his i’s,” added Bronson, while nervously rubbing his sweaty palms against his dungaree trousers. “I already knew he was tough, but now? I’m in awe.”
“Before coming to Brown, my parents told me that the most intense people I’d ever meet were at this school. Now, I finally understand what they meant,” continued Bronson as he fished through his satchel to retrieve the class’ 800-page textbook, authored by Professor Merkin. “People like Professor Merkin prove that college isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.”
At press time, a mailroom worker that’s really on top of his shit refers to Amazon box as parcel.
