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The Brown Noser

Progressive Cemetery To Allow Live People To Be Buried Too

Published Friday, December 9th, 2016

Heralding a new way of managing cemeteries, the head of the progressive Heaven’s Gates Cemetery announced that, starting next week, live people will be allowed to be buried on the grounds as well. “If we continue to think of cemeteries as places for dead people to go, they’ll continue to be a place just for dead people,” said Ron Willis, surveying the nearly five acres of land he has set aside for living people to come and be buried in. “Traditionalists will say that we’re undermining the whole purpose of graveyards, but I don’t think so. For me, the cemetery has always been a place for friends and family to gather and remember a loved one. Why should that only happen once that loved one has died?” Sources report that the cemetery is considering plans to offer people the chance to lie on a funeral pyre while they’re still alive.

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