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The Brown Noser

Psychedelics Totally Changed Man’s Outlook On Texture Of Fritos

Published Friday, March 12th, 2021

Emerging from the transcendent experience with a newfound sense of clarity, Providence man Brett Reid’s recent brush with psilocybin mushrooms has completely altered his outlook on the texture of Fritos corn chips.

“You have to go into a trip for the right reasons, not just to have fun,” Reid said with newfound tranquility. “Shrooms are a teacher. And yesterday, she grabbed my face, dug inside my skull, and rewired my brain to information I didn’t know I had access to. I used to think Fritos were just crunchy, but now I know they’re so much more than that.”

Midway though Reid’s trip, he experienced full ego dissolution. It was then, while eating Fritos in that understudied state of consciousness, that he came across an entirely new way of thinking about the corn chip.

“You see, Fritos aren’t just crunchy, they’ve got this killer snap to them when you first take a bite,” continued Reid with a zen smile. “And if you let it turn to corn mush in your mouth, after a while it’s like you can taste the maize crop from which the chip descended. You feel connected to Mother Earth itself. It just makes you grateful, man. It just makes you grateful.”

Reid has reportedly committed himself to writing a book about the amazing things he learned during his psilocybin experience about the cool way the curtains move.

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