Sources on the set of upcoming R-rated superhero flick “Painmeister” report that the movie just consists of the hero gunning down his opponents while saying “fuck” repeatedly for two hours.
“Audiences have been craving a superhero movie aimed at adults, where things aren’t just black and white. We really think that’s where the genre is heading,” said director George La Roux, adding that the film’s opening sequence, which features Painmeister smirking and saying “fuck” while blasting the head off a criminal who had already surrendered, is sure to provoke discussion. “Having a protagonist who isn’t afraid to use gratuitous violence or absurd amounts of profanity is key to establishing a new fan base for comic book movies.”
The film reportedly contains over 600 uses of “fuck” and almost as many instances of Painmeister using a gun in lieu of any actual superpowers to shoot a faceless bad guy. “We’re going balls to the wall here, and we think audiences will respond positively to it,” said La Roux. “Sometimes Painmeister shoots villains in the torso, sometimes in the head. And I don’t wanna spoil anything, but let’s just say he may at one point shoot someone in the crotch! Sometimes he grabs his own crotch while he does it! You just never know what this wild card is going to do next!”
“All the while, he’ll be saying his catchphrase,” La Roux continued, clarifying that the catchphrase is just the word ‘fuck’ at different volumes. “You guys are gonna love it. The first ‘fuck’ will make you laugh, but the last ‘fuck’ will make you cry.”
“Plus, he’s gonna be shooting someone in the chest while he says it,” La Roux added.
At press time, Marvel and DC were furiously adding dick jokes to their upcoming films.