According to sources at Brown University, mischief is afoot. “Don’t ask me how I know, but I know. There is definitely mischief afoot on this campus,” Stated DPS Officer Horatio Cuffs, sniffing the air suspiciously and checking underneath traffic cones for any possible signs of mischief. “Everyone is saying that I’m being overly paranoid and that there can’t possibly be any mischief afoot. But I know better! I’ve never been more certain that something is afoot than right now. And the thing that is afoot is almost certainly mischief. That is to say, mischief is definitely afoot." At press time, trouble was on the horizon.

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