After a RISD party on Saturday, students in attendance reported that the event consisted of cigarettes, baggy pants, and nothing else.

“We walked in and literally everyone was smoking cigarettes,” Brown sophomore Daniel Schwartz recalled. “Nothing else was happening. No dancing, no talking. Just cigarettes. And there were a ton of people there so I could barely see through the smoke.”

“Oh, and then there were the baggy pants," he continued. "Every single person was wearing the biggest pants possible, like pants that were definitely at least five sizes too big. They just stood around smoking cigarettes in their baggy pants and that was it.”

At press time, Schwartz felt cool as hell.

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