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The Brown Noser

Rave Yelp Review Inexplicably Awards Only Four Stars

Published Friday, September 5th, 2014

Sources report that users of the popular website Yelp were bewildered to find a rave review only award four stars to the local bistro The Flying Goose. “I just don’t get it. I’ve never read anyone write about a restaurant in such glowing terms,” said David Larkins, who stumbled upon the review when looking for a restaurant for dinner. “There is nothing but praise in this review. How could this place not get five stars?”

Despite fawning over the quality of both the food and the service, Yelp user Rose M. unfathomably awarded The Flying Goose a less than perfect rating. “The Pumpkin Ribbon Pasta was cooked to perfection and topped with organic goat cheese that had just the right amount of tang,” she writes, showering praise upon a dish that somehow was not good enough for a five-star rating.

“For dessert, I was expecting to get a run-of-the-mill chocolate lava cake. What I got instead was a gastronomical experience for the ages. The texture was truly superb. What a godly treat!” writes the person that incomprehensibly deducted one star from the restaurant.

“If there’s a better restaurant on the eastern seaboard, I haven’t eaten there. Every dish was absolutely perfect. Utterly exquisite. Simply sublime,” writes Rose M. of the “immaculate” and, puzzlingly, four-star bistro.

Rose M. continued her review of “the oasis in a culinary desert” with her thoughts on the “all-star” staff. “Staff was wonderful. I asked to sit by the window, and they went out of their way to accommodate me,” describing the courteous act that inconceivably did not earn a fifth star.

She added, “There is nothing wrong with this restaurant. I couldn’t have asked for a better night. Definitely coming back.”

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