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The Brown Noser

Refugee Crisis Still Happening Out There, Nation Supposes

Published Friday, November 4th, 2016

Guessing that we’d all probably know if it had ended, citizens throughout the United States supposed on Friday that the Syrian refugee crisis was still going on.

“It was a big deal not too long ago,” said Portland resident Micah Dearborn, recalling that he remembered seeing a lot about it on social media at one point. “But I haven’t heard about anything in a while. It’s probably still just raging on over there, right? Man…”

The refugee crisis, which has included 13.5 million Syrians in need of humanitarian assistance while fleeing a five-year-long civil war, has shown no sign of abetting to Americans, at least after Americans tried for a moment to remember hearing anything about how it had abetted.

“Such a shame it’s probably still happening,” said Dallas resident Alice Kramer, assuming that it was still happening. “Wish it would stop.”

“Unless it has already?” she added hopefully.

The federal government has echoed the supposition. “As far as we know, there are still a whole bunch of Syrians who need a place to relocate,” said U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken, noting that it’s weird and sad that no one has delivered any good news on that front yet. “Aleppo is probably still in ruins and it’s likely that refugee camps in neighboring countries are overflowing with people seeking safety. At least, I haven’t heard otherwise.”

At press time, the United Nations released a statement confirming that the refugee crisis is indeed still going on and that someone should probably do something about it.

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