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A recent report out of the Nelson Fitness Center indicated that actually, everyone is looking at you at the gym.
“Did you think you’re invisible? Because you’re not,” commented sophomore Daphne Chambers from her prime lookout on the top of the StairMaster. “You’re right there, silly. You’re not a magician—you don’t just disappear! Yes, I can see your sweat-soaked armpits, and yes, I saw those weird-looking yoga poses you were doing on the turf section earlier. What was that?”
“I will say, your form on the chest press machine could use some improvements,” continued Chambers, who was staring you down like a hawk despite your long-held conviction that nobody at the Nelson could perceive you once you put your headphones on. “You were making some rather unpleasant faces. I got pretty worried for a second.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but are you now doing the viral 12-3-30 workout?” questioned Daphne, who couldn’t help but notice the 12% incline of your treadmill and the fact that you are walking at a speed of 3 miles per hour. “Love that workout! Great cardio and awesome for those hamstrings. It is a little odd how your arms swing while you walk though.”
At press time, a self-obsessed guy was staring a bit too hard at himself in the big mirrors on the turf section.
