Eyeing the mysterious black mold in the corner of his shower, Marty Tillerson ’22 reported that the substance is probably okay. “Can’t be that serious. Let’s just leave it be,” Tillerson said to his roommates, blindly assuring himself that the growing cluster of spores poses no threat to their health. “It was here when we moved in, so I don’t really think it’s our problem. The landlord probably would have done something about it if was that big of a deal, right? Anyway, we should be fine.” At press time, Tillerson figured that it was best to not question the fact that none of the smoke alarms work.

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