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According to sources at Brown University, the Class Coordinating Board has made significant strides in political reform in response to a climate of haha just kidding, it’s another ice cream social.
“CCB will not be absent from this important dialogue concerning recent campus events,” said CCB Senior President Jamie Chisholm before immediately bursting out laughing. “Hoo boy, you shoulda seen the look on your face when I said that! Could you imagine? Little ol’ CCB, on the front lines of political discourse? Goodness gracious, no! That would be madness. Pure, unadulterated madness. Nope, that’s not for us. No sirree, we’ll be sticking with ice cream on Wriston Quad, thank you very much!”
“But in all seriousness, CCB has significant plans for the coming months,” continued Chisholm, suppressing a snort while setting up a bowl of rainbow sprinkles on an otherwise empty table. “Starting in December, we’re launching an initiative surrounding important campus developments, like—oh man, I gotcha a second time! Dude, I am on a roll today, huh? Yeah, no, we’re just gonna keep doing ice cream socials. Maybe sometimes we’ll have vanilla and chocolate chip, if we’re feeling politically ambitious. On second thought, maybe not. Wouldn’t wanna ruffle any feathers.”
At press time, UFB announced that they are making great strides in financial reform amid a—never mind, you aren’t falling for that one.
