Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to sources, the Jewish wintertime holiday of Chanukah is happening RIGHT NOW.
“Get ready to spend with your loved ones this holiday season because Chanukah is occurring RIGHT THIS INSTANT,” said sources flusteredly lighting their menorahs and sending last-minute dinner invitations to family. “If you haven’t started preparing for Channukah, do it IMMEDIATELY. Not to stress you out, but Channukah started like 4 DAYS AGO and there is NOT a lot of time left.”
Sources also confirmed that they understand Thanksgiving happened only a bit over a week ago but said that you need to move on because Chanukah is happening AS WE SPEAK.
“Get on the phone and tell your mom to hurry up and make some soup NOW,” continued sources, getting festive as quickly as they possibly could. “Also, Chanukah is a much more joyous holiday when you understand the celebration’s historical and spiritual significance, so LEARN IT NOW. There is NO TIME to waste on this. GO! GO! GO!”
At press time, sources breathed a sigh of relief knowing they’ve still got plenty of time until Tu B’Shevat.
