According to an exhaustive recent survey of the café you were in yesterday, everyone, including all staff, customers, and even passersby on the street, saw you press “No Tip” on the iPad. “We all saw, asshole,” said customer Flora Saunders reflecting the sentiments of everyone in the café, who all shook their heads in disgust and whispered to one another when you didn’t even have the decency to leave a mere five-percent tip to the barista. “We all saw you press it quickly thinking no one would notice, but we noticed. Just so you know, we all think you’re awful and we never forget a face. You should be nervous to ever come back to this cafe because one of us is bound to be here again. Maybe make your own coffee next time, you cheap fuck.” At press time, everyone in the library saw you put a piece of paper in the garbage instead recycling it.

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