Federal prosecutors have determined that Hunter Biden is only guilty of having a good time.

“Hunter has lived quite the exciting life. Tax evasion, smoking crack, cruising toward Las Vegas at 170 miles per hour, you name it,” said United States Attorney Brendan Myers, sifting through photos of Hunter Biden surrounded by prostitutes in a hot tub. “Here in the DOJ, we refer to these kinds of activities as ‘having a great time.’ Most people incorrectly assume these activities constitute crimes, but in fact, the only crime Hunter Biden is guilty of is living a dope life and doing fun shit.”

“Ever since his full and unconditional pardon, it has become evident that the only crime Hunter Biden ever committed was being an absolute party animal,” continued Myers, discarding now-irrelevant evidence related to Biden’s firearm charges. “Thankfully, there are no legal repercussions for having a little fun, and Hunter Biden can continue to be the life of the party.”

At press time, legal experts determined that Donald Trump’s only crime was all that stuff he did.

Article tools

• Print
• Email
• Tweet