Partly Cloudy, 64°
A recent report indicated that if you had simply filled out a survey you would have gotten a free pair of AirPods, dumbass.
“The survey was emailed to you several months ago and would have given you a pair of free AirPods if you had filled it out,” stated the report from the Critical Review team, adding that you were basically lighting money on fire by not filling out the 5-minute survey. “It only would’ve taken a minute to do but you were too fucking lazy to do that so now you don’t have a brand new pair of AirPods.”
“The device, made by Apple in a stunning display of modern technology, retails for $250 and if you had simply checked your email once in a while or looked up from your TikTok for an infinitesimal amount of time they could have been yours.” continued the report, reiterating how infantile your decision-making is. “You didn’t even have to wear them. If the allure of free AirPods couldn’t entice you to click three buttons and input your email, you still could have sold them. It’s $250 dollars that you threw away because you were either too stupid or prideful to fill out the damn survey.”
At press time, your stupid ass missed out on several promising internships by not checking your LinkedIn DMs.
