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The Brown Noser

Report: Oh, Grad Student Has Wife

Published Friday, December 3rd, 2021

After a classmate in a senior-level seminar mentioned their living situation, sources report that, oh, that grad student has a wife.

“He’s always looked a little older than the rest of us in class, but whoa,” sources reported, floored to learn that the 26-year-old they interact with in section every week has been married for a year and a half. “He’s married? That’s wild.”

“Obviously he’s older than the rest of us, but… a wife?” sources continued, looking at the masters student through a new lens now that they know he’s committed to spending the rest of his life with someone else. “Do you think he’ll have kids soon? That would be crazy.”

“It freaks me out but at least he seems happy,” sources concluded, rattled after they overheard the grad student asking the professor for an extension because his in-laws are visiting next weekend. “Just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”

At press time, the class learned that, wow, he lives in Pawtucket in an actual house.

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