The smokestack on Simmons Quad is spewing especially billowy smoke clouds today, sources reported. “Wow, that vapor is way puffier than usual right now,” sources said while walking past the metal tube pumping mysterious fumes from deep underground into the air. "Ah, the wind is blowing it over here. It’s okay to breathe this, right? I hope the environment is okay.” At press time, the source of the subterranean fumes wafting into the sky remained unknown.

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