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The election results in November made one thing clear: We won’t not be not going not back.
“The American people have spoken,” said one senior Harris Campaign official, Amelia Raython, straightening the Harris-Walz sign still in her front yard. “And while this isn’t the outcome we didn’t not hope for, it wasn’t an outcome that no one didn’t expect not to happen.”
“We fought hard, but not hard enough,” said Robert Thyme, one of Harris’s lead field strategists in the key battleground state of Michigan, as he pored angrily over the county-by-county breakdown of Green Party votes. “But at the end of the day, it isn’t not about what you didn’t fight for, it’s about how you don’t react when it doesn’t not go another way than the way you didn’t want it not to go.”
“Over the next four years, Democrats will engage in intense reflection regarding how we will win back the American working class,” said Thyme, entering into the glossy-eyed stare of an upper-class liberal. “Come 2028, I hope the party has realized that it is not Republicans that they don’t need to not demonize, but that they don’t need to not learn to not value Republicans that don’t not fit with what the Democratic Party doesn’t not stand for.”
At press time, the Trump Transition Team announced their ambitions to “Make America Great Again Great Again Again.”
