After a two-millennium sabbatical, the resurrected Son of God addressed a crowd of modern Jerusalemites from atop an apple crate. “My children, your everlasting faith in my divine presence shall not go unrewarded,” said a gaunt Jesus between half-hearted bites from his Falafel-O-Rama Stand sandwich. “But this is really dry.”

Having returned from the dead to deliver His people from sin, the divine savior expressed confusion at the lack of falafel improvement in two thousand years of conceptual evolution and technological innovation. “In our separation you summoned the light of the sun to your hand and built ships to sail the sky, but not one of you thought to put sesame paste in the batter?” asked Jesus before transforming the water in his hollowed-out gourd into hummus.

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