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The Brown Noser

Rich Student Can’t Fathom Privilege Of Slightly Richer Student

Published Friday, September 17th, 2021

Struggling to wrap his head around the realities of institutional wealth, sophomore Harry Walsh couldn’t fathom the privilege of his classmate who is slightly richer than himself.

“Thomas has never faced a hardship in his life,” Walsh said, referring to his classmate whose net worth is more-or-less comparable to his own. “His parents’ wealth means he has all sorts of opportunities that less fortunate people, like myself, will never have.”

“I heard his parents pay rent on his off-campus apartment even though he’s a sophomore, so they’re also paying room and board to Brown,” Walsh, whose parents used their plentiful connections to secure him off-campus status and a $3000/month studio, reported. “I can’t imagine being so reckless with money like that!”

“It’s crazy. You don’t realize that there are billionaires among us until you come to a school like Brown. It makes you wonder how much of a leg up they had in the admissions process,” said Walsh, the son of multi-millionaires who both attended Brown. “I bet his dad donated tons of money so he got a free pass into this school."

“Look at him with his iPhone 12 and his Canada Goose coat,” Walsh added, bemoaning his iPhone 11 and Moncler parka. “It’s like he’s broadcasting to the entire school that he’s rich! Disgusting.”

“If he wasn’t privileged enough already, he’s going to be handed a lucrative career on Wall Street from his dad,” complained Walsh, who will be handed a career as an entertainment executive from his own father. “It’s not fair, and it’s a structural issue that needs to be solved.”

At press time, a kid with a famous dad was making fun of a kid with a slightly more famous dad.

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