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Reports reveal that the gaydar of a freshman who grew up in a rural community is really confused.
“If someone wanted to really put themselves out there, a rainbow bracelet, lanyard, or backpack pin was an unquestionable marker,” he explained while palming a vaguely colorful band he was wearing on his wrist that would have been a daring display in his hometown. “But since I got to campus, the only people I’ve seen dawning the colors are the so-called ‘allies.’ If they wanted to really support us, they would commit to the bit or get out of the hen house.”
“Back at home, a tote bag was a slam dunk,” John McCran explained wistfully before a gaggle of students walked past him in colored scarves and embroidered denim jackets. “See! Those people—what the hell are they?”
“It used to be a safe assumption that if someone cared about recycling, they were part of the LGBTQ community,” McCran said, trailing off as he spotted a group of guys sporting tank tops drinking eco-friendly lattes and pulling behind them a speaker loudly playing Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow.” “But environmental concerns seem to be the norm here, completely detached from the emasculating implications.”
At press time, an LA boy on an Iowa ranch was taken aback by the innovative use of denim and pointy leather boots.
