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The Brown Noser

Russell Carey And Richard Locke Flip Coin To Decide Who Gets To Be Good Cop Next Time

Published Friday, October 29th, 2021

Both desperate to avoid being the bad guy again, Russell Carey and Richard Locke reportedly flipped a coin to determine who gets to play good cop next time a campus-wide restriction is implemented.

“Come on, come on, come on,” Carey muttered under his breath as the coin careened through the air, wishing more than anything that he won’t have to be the one to send out an email with the subject line 
“Lowered Campus Activity Status” once COVID cases rise later in the semester. “I had to send the email saying everyone had to start getting regular COVID tests again in August. I don’t want to have that guilt on my back again.”

“Russell can cry me a river,” Provost Locke reported as he eagerly awaited the outcome of the toss, his reputation among the entire Brown Community hanging in the balance. “Tell me how this makes sense: I had to send out those emails about temporary COVID restrictions in September, but Russell got to send all the emails reversing the restrictions?! It’s not fair! I want to be good cop, just once!”

At press time, Carey and Locke were resorting to a round of “Eenie Meenie Miney Mo” after Locke refused to accept the outcome of the coin toss.

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