Partly Cloudy, 64°
A breakthrough finding published last week in the journal Science reported that if you think about it, the knee joint is in fact just like an elbow — but for your leg.
A computation model put forth by a joint think-tank of cognitive kneeologists at MIT and Oxford asserts that if this conclusion were verified, it would further predict that ankles are like wrists for your legs and, furthermore, that toes are like fingers for your feet.
The discovery was made by Dr. Vanderschute MD, PhD, who is known for his famous graduate work in 1963 when he stumbled upon Color-Wheelonomics by asking, “What if I see as yellow, you might see as green, but if we both use the term ‘yellow’, how would we ever know?”
If the new breakthrough is confirmed, it will overturn a century’s worth of classic knee research based on Wadworth’s First Law of Knee Dynamics put forth in the late 19th century that “Knees are like shoulders for your legs.“
“All my research, my career, everything would be invalidated if this is replicated,” said Dr. James Xi, who has published over three dozen papers in Kneeologia in his five-decade tenure at Dartmouth College.
“We are witnessing the next ‘relativity’ or ‘quantum,’” added Xi, referring to the theories put forth by Einstein, Heisenberg and Schroedinger in the first half of the 20th century that revolutionized modern physics, altering the classic Newtonian model.
The Internet was flooded Tuesday from a small but controversial camp of ear-researchers who agree that the classical model is flawed but rebut that, “knees are more like ears for your legs.”
Many scientists view the finding as another major milestone in reframing the way we consider both our knees and ourselves.
“This violates everything we thought we knew about knees and what they’re like compared to arms,” said Dr. Graham McNally, who received the Nobel Prize in 1976 for his contributions to the Human Knee Project. “Discoveries like these don’t just add to science, they turn it on its head.”
“Which is really like a penis-head for your neck, as we know from Fishbourne and Botsky’s famous 1989 study,” continued McNally.
“Do I think they’ll get the Nobel?” he added. “It’s certainly not out of the question.”
The discovery was made accidentally when co-authors Dr. Lawrence Jameson and Dr. Friedrich Vanderschute were experimenting on the cognitive effects of psychedelic drugs on mice.
“We had not yet received the IRB approval for our work with the mice,” said Dr. Vanderschute. “So we were waiting around in the lab and had like 8 kilograms of the psychedelic mushrooms that were going to rot before the mice were approved, yes?”
“And it has been many years since we made the discovery about the color wheel,” he continued. “You know, that what I see as yellow, you might see as green, but we would never know! It’s incredible, the science, yes?”
