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Pointing out that it seems to be limping and it’s kind of wet, scientists monitoring the situation warned Americans to stay away from that bird over there.
“That bird seems sick. Why is it twitching like that? That seems like a pretty clear warning sign,” said Dr. Ellen Selesky.
“Just look at it,” she added.
After checking out the bird from a good distance, the scientific community agreed that “it’s probably safer to just stay over here, away from that bird.” Scientists cited the bird’s weird, sporadic movements, grime-covered feathers, and whatever it just ate off the ground as reasons to stay away from the bird in question.
“What’s caught in its claw? Is that just how its claw is shaped?” said Dr. Selesky.
Scientists agreed that that bird looks like it’s about to die, it’s just not a great idea to go near it. “And please, please don’t touch that bird. Just look at it trying to fly. Come on,” said scientists.
Scientists added that Americans would do well to stay away from those feathers on the ground, too. “Are those that bird’s feathers? Did it just shed that much? Jesus. Just don’t pick up feathers at all, okay?” said Dr. Benjamin Quincey.
Scientists agreed that that bird over there could pose a great health risk to Americans, or maybe not, but really it’s better to just not find out.
